


hold me tight (i'm about to cry)

by SeveralRainyDays



Series: Oneshots/drabbles [4]
Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, References to Depression, but wow there is still angst bc im trash, distant, idk what else to tag lmao, sanha hurts, there isn't much to say, wow look i finally wrote fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 04:46:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13356792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeveralRainyDays/pseuds/SeveralRainyDays
Summary: Of course, he was not “okay”, this was why he had been ranting at quarter to four last night. A simple, “yeah, I’m good it was a rough night yesterday,” and they would never suspect anything. It was nice—to say the least—to be able to rant to someone.Some days were worse than others though, like when the already grotesque thoughts became a level too extreme. People would then worry and maybe spend the day at his house. He knew they weren’t actually worried because they cared; they only wanted to make sure he didn’t do something stupid—it was bad for business.__or that sanha-centric, crappy fic that i attempted to write fluff in (and probably failed)





	hold me tight (i'm about to cry)

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't really having a good day today so I decided to write this lmao. Idk exactly how it is since I don't know much about Astro—although I love Yoon Sanha.
> 
> I don't think people realize that people as young as Sanha, and even younger can have bad thoughts. It seems that we are all naive to those people, saying nonsense such as "oh, you're still young" or "oh, just wait until you get older to worry about such nonsense.
> 
> I've literally never written fluff before either so I hope it's okay. I see MJ as a very caring hyung who is always there regardless of the time. I guess Eunwoo would fit here as well but MJ isn't seen as much in Sanha ships so...

People always said that their darkest fears came out late at night, right after the moon had finally risen to take its spot in the world. Sanha didn't think so, because fears stayed with you twenty-four seven, regardless of if you wanted them to or not. It was when you decided to confront your fears is when something would happen. Most people confronted them in the wee hours of the morning when their minds were restless and pacing could no longer help. Sanha did the same, but for a different reason.

 

This reason was simply that nobody was around. He could rant as much as he wanted to a sleeping person, texting them grotesque ideas at unspeakable hours but all he would get in response was something cliche, such as, “are you okay?”

 

Of course, he was not “okay”, this was why he had been ranting at quarter to four last night. A simple, “yeah, I’m good it was a rough night yesterday,” and they would never suspect anything. It was nice—to say the least—to be able to rant to someone.

 

Some days were worse than others though, like when the already grotesque thoughts became a level too extreme. People would then worry and maybe spend the day at his house. He knew they weren’t actually worried because they cared; they only wanted to make sure he didn’t do something stupid—it was bad for business.

 

“Sanha,” a soft voice called, “what are you doing here?” The man pointed to the couch and shook his head slightly.

 

“Nothing hyung, I just couldn’t sleep.” He responded, probably a tad too quick. The other man was nothing short of attentive to these sorts of things though and promptly took him into a hug. He knew what was happening to Sanha, it had happened before.

 

“Y’know Sanha, you can tell someone if you are ever feeling this way,” Myungjun told him, pulling away from the hug and staring at Sanha’s hand loosely threading his fingers in between the fabric of his shirt.

 

Myungjun grabs his hands and holds them tight, running his fingers over Sanha’s knuckles. He can tell the younger boy is crying, regardless of how much he’s trying to hide it. Sanha pulls one of his hands away, and his sleeve fell down past his hand, tentatively he reaches his hand up to his face to wipe the tears away as discreetly as possible.

 

“Sanha, it’s okay to cry. Everyone does, you’re no exception.” Myungjun stares directly into the other man’s eyes for awhile, Sanha’s eyes glistening, wet with tears.

 

“I-I just don’t understand,” he gives a short hiccup before continuing, “I just don’t know why I always feel so lethargic lately.”

 

Sanha had been lethargic lately, not quite his usual self, making fun of his hyungs and jokingly cocky. Myungjun had noticed it, but almost everyone wasn’t their usual self. Comebacks were hard, and as much as nobody wanted to admit it, it took the fun out of almost everyone because they were so tired.

 

“Do you want a day off? I could talk to Jinwoo-ah, I’m sure he could get us a day off.” Myungjun suggests. It would be hard to get a day off in the middle of a comeback, but he’s sure there is a day or two that they have minimal schedules that aren’t that important.

 

Sanha seems to think about this for a minute before shaking his head. “No, it’s okay. It would be too hard anyway.” Sanha had always been stubborn, so Myungjun knew there was no getting through him.

 

Myungjun takes his hand and runs it through Sanha’s hair. It’s slightly greasy, but Myungjun assumed Sanha hadn’t taken a shower yet and was probably still relatively disgusting, but it was too late anyway. He then cups his hand around Sanha’s cheek and looks very seriously at him, “Sanha, I know you don’t like to share your feelings, but please,” Myungjun is begging him at this point, “come to us if you feel this way.”

 

Sanha looks slightly distressed, and he can see the worry lines in his face pretty clearly, “I know… It’s just… hard sometimes.” He knows that Sanha can’t find the exact words for how he felt, but that was common.

 

He gently lifts Sanha’s hand and stands up from the couch they were both occupying. Myungjun gently tugs his hand, a gentle reminder that _no he was not going to carry Sanha to bed, he wasn’t going to kill himself tonight_.

 

When Sanha is finally dragged to his bed and sits on top of it, his eyes look distant from this world, almost completely disconnected from their surroundings. Myungjun grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom down the hall and wiped down Sanha’s face, seeing as he was in no condition to do it himself. He changed Sanha’s shirt as well and then lay down on to the bed next to the taller boy.

 

Myungjun knows that Sanha can’t help when he gets like this, but it still makes him worry. He clings on to the younger boy’s back that night, lacing his hand in between Sanha’s cold and lanky fingers. He can only hope that Sanha will be alright tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> um sorry?
> 
> haha... i really appreciate comments though, and although i'm a little slow to respond i promise i will eventually get back to you!
> 
> someone once asked to translate my fic into a different language, and as long as you give me credit, i'm cool with it! send me the link and i'll actually put the link on my fic so


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